Fragments of the Past

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Fragments of the Past is a short, mostly linear interactive fiction created in one day. However, I am currently writing a longer interactive fiction called Next in Line. It's a royal romance interactive fiction where the player can make a lot of choices! Check the Credits section for links to Next in Line’s itch.io, Tumblr, Discord, and more. Thanks for playing, Vi Fragments of the Past was inspired by a radio script I wrote as an undergradute. Now, I've expanded on it and converted it to the IF form. You can choose the pronouns and name of the MC. Experience a journey of healing three years after MC’s partner has died from an illness. Fulfill your partner’s last bucket list item. You can choose the pronouns of the partner who has passed. This game has four characters: * MC * Alex - MC's partner who died * Lily - Alex's sister and MC's best friend * The Sherpa Please note this is not a self-insert and very different from my other game. It is a short exploration of two character's journeys. There will be some choices, but they do not affect the ending. This is more of a kinetic story, I suppose with the exception of you can make some choices. Content warnings: grief, death, possible mature language, dangerous activities (climbing). [[Begin…]]

<center><nobr>[[Credits]]</nobr></center>

<<set $firstname to "???">> <<set $lastname to "???">> <<set $mcpronouns to "they">> <<set $partnerpronouns to "they">> <--FOR PRONOUNS--> <<set $HeShe to "She">> <<set $heshe to "she">> <<set $HimHer to "Her">> <<set $himher to "her">> <<set $HisHer to "Her">> <<set $hisher to "her">> <<set $HisHers to "Hers">> <<set $hishers to "hers">> <<set $Himself to "Herself">> <<set $himself to "herself">> <---PARTNER PRONOUNS--> <<set $phe to "he">> <<set $pHe to "He">> <<set $phim to "him">> <<set $pHim to "Him">> <<set $phis to "his">> <<set $pHis to "His">> <<set $phimself to "himself">>

!!!Writing and Coding by <a href="https://www.vwpublishing.com" target="_blank">Vi</a> * Utilized <a href="https://vahnya.itch.io/twine-template=">Twine Template by Vahyna</a> for mobile friendly UI. //Featured poetry belongs to me unless otherwise noted.// !!!Links <a href="https://itch.io/profile/writingmysoul" target="_blank">Itch.io - check out my other games!</a> <a href="https://nextinline-if.tumblr.com" target="_blank">Tumblr</a> <a href="https://patreon.com/vimakesIFs?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator" target="_blank">Patreon</a> <a href="https://ko-fi.com/nextinlineif" target="_blank">Ko-fi</a> Feel free to message me on Discord: writingmysoul#6083 <<button "Return" $return>><</button>>

<div id="sidebar"> <div class="sidebar-header">  <div></div>  <h1 class="story-title" data-passage="gameTitle"></h1>  <div class="sidebar-toggle"> <span id="sidebar-toggle-icon" class="lnr lnr-menu-circle"></span> </div> </div>   <div id="sidebar-body">  <div class="story-logo" data-passage="storyLogo"></div>  <h2 class="story-author" data-passage="storyAuthor"></h2> <nav class="sidebar-nav"> <ul class="story-tools"> <li> <span id="restart-button" class="lnr lnr-redo"></span> <span class="tooltiptext">Restart</span> </li> <li> <span id="saves-button" class="lnr lnr-download"></span> <span class="tooltiptext">Saves</span> </li> <li> <span id="settings-button" class="lnr lnr-cog"></span> <span class="tooltiptext">Settings</span> </li> </ul> <ul class="story-menu" data-passage="storyMenu"> </ul> </nav> <nav id="social-media"> <p>Social media</p> <ul data-passage="socialMedia"> </ul> </nav> </div>  </div>  <div id="story" role="main"> <div id="passages"> <div id="passage-start" data-passage="start" class="passage"> </div> </div> </div>

by <a href="https://www.vwpublishing.com" target="_blank">Vi at VW Publishing</a>

What is your first name? <<textbox "$firstname" "Paige">> [[Continue|aftername]]

<<nobr>>Your pronouns are <<cycle "$mcpronouns" autoselect>> <<option "they/them">> <<option "she/her">> <<option "he/him">> <<option "xe/xem">> <<option "ze/zir">> <</cycle>>.<</nobr>> <<nobr>>Your partner's pronouns were <<cycle "$partnerpronouns" autoselect>> <<option "they/them">> <<option "she/her">> <<option "he/him">> <<option "xe/xem">> <<option "ze/zir">> <</cycle>>.<</nobr>> [[Start]]

<<if $mcpronouns is "they/them">><<set $mcpronouns to "they/them">><<set $heshe to "they">><<set $HeShe to "They">><<set $HimHer to "Them">><<set $himher to "them">><<set $hisher to "their">><<set $HisHers to "Theirs">><<set $HisHer to "Their">><<set $hishers to "theirs">><<set $Himself to "Themself">><<set $himself to "themself">> <<elseif $mcpronouns is "he/him">><<set $mcpronouns to "he/him">><<set $heshe to "he">><<set $HeShe to "He">><<set $HimHer to "Her">><<set $himher to "him">><<set $hisher to "his">><<set $HisHers to "His">><<set $HisHer to "His">><<set $hishers to "his">><<set $Himself to "Himself">><<set $himself to "himself">> <<elseif $mcpronouns is "she/her">><<set $mcpronouns to "she/her">><<set $heshe to "she/her">><<set $HeShe to "She">><<set $HimHer to "Her">><<set $himher to "her">><<set $HisHer to "Her">><<set $hisher to "her">><<set $HisHers to "Her">><<set $hishers to "hers">><<set $Himself to "Herself">><<set $himself to "herself">> <<elseif $mcpronouns is "xe/xem">><<set $heshe to "xe">><<set $HeShe to "Xe">><<set $HimHer to "Xem">><<set $himher to "xem">><<set $hisher to "xyr">><<set $HisHers to "Xyr">><<set $HisHer to "Xyr">><<set $hishers to "xyrs">><<set $Himself to "Xemself">><<set $himself to "xemself">> <<else>><<set $heshe to "ze">><<set $HeShe to "Ze">><<set $HimHer to "Zir">><<set $himher to "zir">><<set $hisher to "zir">><<set $HisHer to "Zir">><<set $HisHers to "Zirs">><<set $hishers to "zirs">><<set $Himself to "Zirself">><<set $himself to "zirself">> <</if>> You stand up from the couch, the phone barely gripped in your fingers. “Please don’t make me do this!” Lily rolls her eyes and stands, putting her hand out for your phone. “Don’t be so dramatic, $firstname. It’s just a dating app. You shift, pulling your phone away from her vicinity. “I don’t know, Lily,” you reply softly. You wish your voice was firmer. More sure. You wish she wasn’t trying to convince you to give it a try. She puts her hands on her hips. “I’m tired of watching you mope again. It’s been three years, $firstname. It’s time to get back in the game.” You sigh and say…. [[“Why? So I can fall for someone else and lose them, too?”]] [[“No one will ever compare to Alex.”]] [[“Fine but you have to sign up, too.”.]] <<if $partnerpronouns is "they/them">><<set $partnerpronouns to "they/them">><<set $phe to "they">><<set $pHe to "They">><<set $pHim to "Them">><<set $phim to "them">><<set $phis to "their">><<set $pHis to "Theirs">><<set $pHis to "Their">><<set $phis to "theirs">><<set $pHimself to "Themself">><<set $phimself to "themself">><<elseif $partnerpronouns is "she/her">><<set $partnerpronouns to "she/her">><<set $phe to "she">><<set $pHe to "She">><<set $pHim to "Her">><<set $phim to "her">><<set $pHis to "Her">><<set $phis to "her">><<set $pHis to "Her">><<set $phis to "hers">><<set $pHimself to "Herself">><<set $phimself to "herself">><<elseif $partnerpronouns is "he/him">><<set $partnerpronouns to "he/him">><<set $phe to "he">><<set $pHe to "He">><<set $phim to "him">><<set $pHim to "Him">><<set $phis to "his">><<set $phis to "his">><<set $phimself to "himself">><<elseif $partnerpronouns is "xe/xem>><<set $partnerpronouns to "xe/xem">><<set $phe to "xe">><<set $pHe to "Xe">><<set $phim to "xem">><<set $phis to "xyr">><<set $pHis to "Xyr">><<set $HisHer to "Xyr">><<set $phimself to "xemself">><<elseif $partnerpronouns is "ze/zir">><<set $partnerpronouns to "ze/zir">><<set $pHe to "Ze">><<set $pHim to "Zir">><<set $phim to "zir">><<set $phis to "zir">><<set $pHis to "Zir">><<set $phis to "zirs">><<set $pHimself to "Zirself">><<set $phimself to "zirself">> <</if>>

You turn away from her. “Why? So I can for someone else and lose them, too?” Lily places a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Alex wouldn’t approve of your cynicism.” “Alex isn’t here,” you growl. Lily removes her hand and sits back down on the couch, leaning her head against the back and staring at the ceiling. “$pHe is gone, $firstname.” “No shit.” You huff and sit back down. She chuckles a little and then you start laughing, too. After that dies down, you hand her your phone. She sits up and starts typing away. “Just one date. If you hate it, fine, you can die alone.” [[“Sounds good to me.”|datenight]]

Tears well in your eyes as you think about $phim. Three years has not been long enough for you to forget what it feels like to love $phim. What it’s like to wake up with $phim on your mind. For $phim to be your last thought each night. “No one will ever compare to Alex,” you tell $phis sister. Lily’s eyes soften and she gently takes your hand. “Love experienced once can never be experienced again. But you //can// love again. You can //be// loved again. Not if you hide away in this house, though.” You clear your throat and Lily gives your hand a squeeze. “Alright, but you have to sign up as well.” She smiles as she takes your phone. “Of course.” You narrow your eyes at her. “You were already signed up, weren’t you?” [[She only shrugs in response.|datenight]]

You begrudgingly hand your phone over to an overeager Lily. “Fine, but you have to sign up, too.” Lily laughs as her fingers tap away. “One step ahead of you.” You narrow your eyes at her. “You were already signed up, weren’t you?” [[Her lips twitch but she doesn’t look away from the task at hand. “Maybe.”|datenight]]

The atmosphere in this restaurant is suffocating. Your eyes drift to the window, where the city’s lights sparkle across the skyline. While you wait for your dates to return with drinks, you pull out your journal. $pHis journal. But you’ve taken to writing in it when you miss $phim. Lily is distracted by her phone, or else she would chastise you for your bad behavior as a date. You flip to a fresh page and put the pen to paper. //I hate how the// //city lights// //snuff out// //the stars.// //In one breath// //I feel closer to destiny// //than ever,// //yet farther in the next.// //The agony of knowing that// //the beauty I see is// //unreachable and unrecognizable// //but it’s there.// //What wouldn’t I give// //to feel the stars on// //my skin,// //while they obliterate me// // - while they make me whole,// //again.// You quietly close the journal and slip it back into your purse. A sigh falls from your lips at the sounds of ice hitting glass and piano music fill your ears. You only yearn for the silence. Don’t you? [[But with silence comes thoughts of what’s gone.]]

You turn to Lily. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Lily laughs lightly. “I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.” She never does. Lily sighs and throws you a smirk. “I’m a bit jealous. Your date is hotter than mine.” “You’re the one who set me up with them!” you tell her, your voice laced with exasperation. “I know, I know.” Then she turns her body toward you. “This is going to be good for you, $firstname.” You… [[scoff. “Really? You must be able to predict the future.”]] [[contain your frustration and just nod your head.]] [[know she’s right but you’re not ready to move on.]]

You scoff at her. “Really? You must be able to predict the future.” She lets out a disappointed sigh. “Do you remember how Alex said you were the bright light in $phis world? That’s because you were always positive and brought $phim out of the darkness. Hard as you try, I won't let the darkness swallow you, $firstname.” You turn your face away from her, sucking in a ragged breath. She’s not wrong. But how can you move on from a love like that? How can you be whole again? You are broken. But it is better to be broken than to have never known the love of another. Isn’t it? Your breath hitches as you remember one of $phis last entires in the journal. //December 22, 2014.// //Not much longer now, babe. I’m scared.// //Scared for you. Don’t let this crush you.// //We’re so young. You have so much time left. Don’t waste it.// //Promise me, okay? Promise me that you won’t waste away.// //I know you won’t. You’ve never let me down before.// //Love again.// //Don’t be afraid to love again.// [[“They’re here.”]]

How can she act this way? She lost $phim, too. You watch Lily for a moment and then you sigh. This is probably just her way of coping. And she’s right, it has been three years since we lost Alex. But how can you move on from a love like that? How can you be whole again? You are broken. But it is better to be broken than to have never known the love of another. Isn’t it? Your breath hitches as you remember one of $phis last entries in the journal. //December 22, 2014.// //Not much longer now, babe. I’m scared.// //Scared for you. Don’t let this crush you.// //We’re so young. You have so much time left. Don’t waste it.// //Promise me, okay? Promise me that you won’t waste away.// //I know you won’t. You’ve never let me down before.// //Love again.// //Don’t be afraid to love again.// [[“They’re here.”]]

She’s right, it has been three years since we lost Alex. But how can you move on from a love like that? How can you be whole again? You are broken. But it is better to be broken than to have never known the love of another. Isn’t it? Your breath hitches as you remember one of $phis last entries in the journal. //December 22, 2014.// //Not much longer now, babe. I’m scared.// //Scared for you. Don’t let this crush you.// //We’re so young. You have so much time left. Don’t waste it.// //Promise me, okay? Promise me that you won’t waste away.// //I know you won’t. You’ve never let me down before.// //Love again.// //Don’t be afraid to love again.// [[“They’re here.”]]

Lily’s voice draws you back to reality. The place you exist. You only wish $phe existed here, too. You take a sip of your drink. It’s going to be a long night. [[The next morning.]]

You awake to the warm sun basking on your skin and the chirping of birds. But your ears focus more on the sound of rapid footsteps, the slamming of a door, and Lily vomiting. You pull the covers back, your footsteps softly padding across the cold floor. Leaning against the bathroom door, you ask, “Lily?” After a moment, a strangled, “Hey,” comes from the other side of the door. “You okay?” Lily groans. “Yeah, I drank too much. I’ll be fine.” You sigh. “I did tell you not to do all those shots. You hear her laugh dryly. “The shots were the only fun part of the night. My date was boring as hell.” You can’t help but chuckle. “Mine was great.” The door swings open and you just barely prevent yourself from falling into her. She leans against the frame, her arms crossed. “I noticed.” The jealousy in her tone doesn’t go unnoticed by you. But you didn’t want to go on the date in the first place. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask warily. She huffs and looks past you, out the window. “Nothing but…your first date in years and it goes great. I haven’t had a decent date in months.” You roll your eyes. “That’s not //my// fault.” She stands up straighter and her shoulder brushes yours. “Yeah, whatever, I’m going to be late for work.” You watch her hasty footsteps as she moves down the hall. Further away from you. It feels like she’s been getting further from you for a while now. The sound of her shower turning on breaks you from your string of thoughts and you head to your room, grabbing the thing that brings you comfort. [[The journal.]]

//July 16, 2014// //It’s your birthday today. You’ll be here soon.// //I’ve been thinking of your smile all day.// //No, every moment since we were told the news.// //Your smile makes me forget that I won’t see it anymore.// //You make me forget about the pain.// //I convinced Lily to bake some cookies since I can’t leave the ward.// //They’ll probably be worse than the ones I made the day I asked you out.// //I still remember when you opened the lid and gave me a questioning look. You said, “Charcoal?”// //But you still said yes.// //I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.// //Your smile. I just need to see it again.// [[Later that evening.]]

You turn off the sink and pull your food out of the microwave just as the ding goes off. Lily looks up as your fork clinks against the plate. You raise an eyebrow at her. “Want some lasagne?” “Pass.” She looks back down at her phone. You shrug. “I’ll leave some in case you change your mind.” “Don’t bother,” she says. “I’ve already eaten.” “Oh.” You’re not sure what else to say so you take a bite. Then you ask, “What’d you eat?” Lily look up, a smile on her face. “I ate with that guy from last night.” You raise an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t like him,” you reply before taking another bite. Her smile turns to a smirk. “I’m not talking about him.” “Who else…are you serious?” She laughs. “Turns out your date likes me better.” You put your fork down, annoyed by her behavior. It’s not often you see this side of her. But she gets in these moods that can last weeks or even months where she doesn’t seem to care about anyone or anything. Sometimes you forget that she lost someone, too. “Night, $firstname.” You don’t look up from your food but you hear her footsteps and the gentle click of the door. [[You finish your food and head to bed.]]

This is your last day before you leave to mark off $phis last bucket list wish. How do you spend the day? [[At the park - getting some fresh air.]] [[At the bar - a stiff drink should help.]] [[At home - binging some movies is all you want.]]

The liquor burns your throat as you throw back another one. Day drinking may not be viewed as socially acceptable but it’s the perfect way to forget about shit. Sometimes. You look at the empty barstool next to you. $pHe was sitting there when $phe drunkenly told you that $phe loved you. You turn yours eyes to the glass of brown liquid. You aren’t fast enough to stop the tear from rolling down your face. You watch it hit the liquor. Such a little drop. It can’t possibly have an effect. But the little moment, the little things, those are the ones that matter the most. It’s stumbling home laughing against each other. It’s eating pizza on the subway at 4am. It’s the way Alex would look at you and $phis eyes would light up with love that $phe never withheld. You take a deep breath, pressing your palm into the glass. You both thought that life was something that could be planned to the end. But the end is only obvious when it’s running toward you. When it’s chasing you down. Beating you down. Breaking you. Your fingers flip to another entry in Alex’s journal. //July 20th, 2014// //Today is a good day.// //They let me out for an hour.// //And you’re sitting across from me on the bench with your eyes closed, basking in the sun.// //But you ‘’are’’ the sun. My beautiful sun.// //I’m lucky to have loved you.// //I hope you never forget me.// //But I also hope you don’t let what we had hold you back.// //Life is meant to be lived, $firstname.// [[Your phone rings.]]

You’re curled up on the couch with Alex’s favorite blanket. You’ve been watching all the things $phe never finished from $phis list on Netflix. Sometimes you would laugh and forget $phe was gone. You’d look over to see $phis reaction and it would hit you again. Right now, your hands are gripping $phis blanket. Wishing it still smelled of $phim. Wishing you could grip $phim. Or rather, wishing $phe was here to wrap comforting arms around you. To tell you it was going to be okay. At least once a day, you look for $phim. Think of $phim. Yearn to hear $phis voice. You both thought that life was something that could be planned to the end. But the end is only obvious when it’s running toward you. When it’s chasing you down. Beating you down. Breaking you. Your fingers flip to another entry in Alex’s journal. //July 20th, 2014// //Today is a good day.// //They let me out for an hour.// //And you’re sitting across from me on the bench with your eyes closed, basking in the sun.// //But you ‘’are’’ the sun. My beautiful sun.// //I’m lucky to have loved you.// //I hope you never forget me.// //But I also hope you don’t let what we had hold you back.// //Life is meant to be lived, $firstname.// [[Your phone rings.]]

A cool breeze fans your face as the scent of freshly cut grass finds its way to your nose. Instinctively, you smile as the sounds of children’s laughter and dogs barking reminds you of $phim. You turn to look at the empty space where Alex would sit. You can see $phim. See the way $phis eyes would light up with love that $phe never withheld. This is the bench where you kissed for the first time. Where you talked about your future home. How many dogs you’d have and the dinner parties you would throw. You both thought that life was something that could be planned to the end. But the end is only obvious when it’s running toward you. When it’s chasing you down. Beating you down. Breaking you. Your fingers flip to another entry in Alex’s journal. //July 20th, 2014// //Today is a good day.// //They let me out for an hour.// //And you’re sitting across from me on the bench with your eyes closed, basking in the sun.// //But you ‘’are’’ the sun. My beautiful sun.// //I’m lucky to have loved you.// //I hope you never forget me.// //But I also hope you don’t let what we had hold you back.// //Life is meant to be lived, $firstname.// [[Your phone rings.]]

“Hello,” you say as your answer. Lily clears her throat on the other end. “Hey…look, about last night…I’m sorry, $firstname. I’m not doing well right now.” “I know,” you say softly. “Don’t worry about it.” She takes a ragged breath before asking, “We’re stilling going tomorrow, right?” You have to. You can’t let $phim down. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. See you then.” [[You sigh as you set your phone down.]]

The day starts to wind down and you find yourself at the cemetery. The trees blow around you and the crickets remind you that you’re not alone. Even if everyone else here is dead. You didn’t plan this. You just went for a walk and ended up here. You’re nervous about tomorrow. You sit down in front of Alex’s tombstone. Leaves rustle under you. You know it’s stupid but you figure this is your chance to say something to $phim before you leave. After a few quiet moments, you lay down and turn your eyes to the sky. “You knew what my fears were when you made the list.” You turn your head to the gravestone, your eyes stopping on $phis name. “Why did you want me to do this? How does this help me live without you?” You sigh and look back to the stars. “Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say…I miss you,” you whisper as you wipe the tears from your face. [[The next morning.|nextmorning]]

You pull your headphones out, hoping to drown out the overwhelming smattering of voices, planes taking off, and wheels across the linoleum. Lily stretches her arms. “I can’t believe we’re finally doing this.” You don’t miss the trepidation in her voice. “Alex would be pissed it took us this long.” Lily shrugs. “Three years later is better than never.” You both laugh. “Can’t argue with that logic,” you reply. ''Attention Please! Flight BA1214 is now boarding for Nepal. I repeat, flight BA1214 is now boarding for Nepal.'' “That’s us,” Lily says, but she doesn’t stand up. “Are you sure you want to do this?” You place a hand on her shoulder. The fear in her eyes is what you feel in your own heart. But you have to do this. “Not really. But we made a promise.” She nods and stands. You both begin walking toward the gate. [[Welcome to Nepal]]

The wind makes it hard to hear so you lean closer to Lily. “I was sure we weren’t going to survive the landing.” Lily nods. “They don’t call it the world’s most dangerous airport for nothing.” Your fingers are still shaking from the adrenaline. You shove them in your pockets. “I don’t like this.” Lily begins walking. “Don’t look down. It’s a pretty far leap.” “Not helping,” you growl as her. “This was a bad idea,” she says. You roll your eyes. “You think?” She sighs. “Come on, let’s find directions to the accommodation. We’ve got a big trek ahead of us tomorrow.” You latch onto her arm. “Just get me out of here. I feel like I’m going to pass out.” It’s getting hard to breath and you can’t help but look down. You freeze. “$firstname,” Lily says softly as she steps in front of you and lifts your chin up. “Take a deep breath. In. Out.” You do and your breathing starts to slow. “Thanks,” you reply quietly, face heating. [[Later that night, you look at the last journal entry from Alex.]]

//December 31, 2014// //$firstname, my love, and Lily, my dear sister,// //I’m dying. I’ve been dying, but the doctor says I only have a few hours left.// //Everyone is on their way, you included. I hope I get to see both of you one more time.// //Climb Mount Everest for me.// //I know this will force you to face your ultimate fear, $firstname, but it will also help you find peace.// [[I can let go knowing you have each other.]]

Wind warps your ears again but you can still feel the ice chipping away. You pull your jacket closer. You and Lily had put off completing $phis list. There was always an excuse. But now the tears are turning to ice as they fall down your cheeks and you know the real reason. You were both scared that completing it would mean that $phe was gone forever. What else would you have left, then? And would you even have each other? You glance over at Lily, who looks like she’s about to throw up. Your eyes turn back to the mountain and you scan it. You promised you would do this and here you are. $pHe died three years ago today. [[You just hope you don’t die today, too.]]

“Yeah, I’m not feeling this, Lily.” She doesn’t look at you and you know it’s because she feels the same way. “Too late now.” “It’s not too late,” you reply. “We haven’t fallen to our deaths, yet.” Lily huffs and grabs your shoulders pulling you close. Your eyes widen. “We aren’t dying today, $firstname. Alex believed in us. Believed we could do this. I’m not about to let $phim down. Are you?” Silence wraps around you both and you almost forget where you are for a moment. “Well…not when you put it that way.” Lily nods and points behind you. “There’s the Sherpa.” “The what?” “The guide.” You nod. “Right, right. Sorry, forgot to brush up on my deadly mountain climbing dictionary,” you grumble. Lily laughs. “I see the smart-ass has entered the party.” “Pretty shit party,” you quip. [[She rolls her eyes.]]

It’s been a week since you set off to climb the mountain. If it wasn’t for the Sherpa and Lily, you’d have forgotten what civilization sounds like. The only sounds here are your feet crunching snow and ice, the wind trying to blow you to your death, and the rapid heartbeat looping through your mind. The Sherpa stops and turns to you and Lily. “We need to cross this ladder to get across the crevasse. I’ll go first.” Your mouth falls open as you look at the gap. As you consider the chance of falling. “Wait, we have to do //what?// There’s no other way?” The Sherpa huffs as if you’re the most annoying person in the world. Which, to be fair, you probably are to him. “This is the only way. Very small chance of falling.” You don’t believe it. But the only way is forward. Toward the top of this mountain. Toward peace. Lily steps up in front of you. “I’ll go next if you want, $firstname.” You nod, nerves preventing you from speaking. When it’s Lily’s turn, you wait with bated breath. “You’re doing great, Lily. You’re already halfway across!” You can see her grin from where you’re standing. “See? It’s not so -” [[Both of your screams fill the air as her body moves in the wrong direction.]]

The Sherpa’s voice fills your ears. “Don’t let go of the rope!” Lily’s breathing is heavy. “Stop moving! $firstname, hold the ladder down over there.” You quickly shuffle closer, almost slipping but steadying the ladder. You can hear the whimpers from Lily. Fuck, fuck, fuck! “It’s okay. You’re okay. Lily.” She doesn’t move a muscle. “Lily, look at me.” She still doesn’t move. Tears fall from her eyes. “What do I do, $firstname?” she asks, her eyes clenched. “Open your eyes, Lily,” you say softly. “Open them.” You let out a relieved breath as she does. “Okay, good. Now take his hand. He’s got you.” Lily’s feet slide across the snow and she leans against the Sherpa, coughing. Once you’re across, she hugs you tight. “We never should have come,” she whispers. You laugh nervously. “I tried to tell you” "I'll listen to you next time." Her grip tightens around you. You hug her back with all your strength. Which isn’t much after a week of trekking. [[“I’ve heard that before,” you reply chuckling.]]

Later that night, you’re sitting by the crackling fire outside your tent. The Sherpa snores from the other tent. You dig in your bag. “You need to eat.” Lily perks up. “You brought snacks? Cheetos, maybe?” Your lips twitch. “Not quite…here’s a cliff bar.” She sighs but takes it. “Thanks.” After a few moments, you set your gaze on her. “You okay?” “Yeah..I can’t believe I almost…” She sucks in a breath and closes her eyes. “You almost died,” you finish for you. “Yeah,” she says with a nod. You reach out and squeeze her hand. “It’s not our time yet.” “I just want to make it to the top for Alex. After that, I don’t care what happens.” You stand, ready for bed. “Don’t worry, we’re going to make it to the top and then we’re going to make it home.” [[The next morning.|afterlilyfallmorning]]

You turn to the Sherpa. “So…any tips for first-time climbers?” He doesn’t look up from where he digs in his bag. “Don’t fall.” Lily huffs. “That one seems a little obvious.” You shift on your feet. “Okay, what about blizzards?” “What about them?” the Sherpa asks. You refrain from rolling your eyes. “What happens if you get caught in one? He looks over at you. “You die.” You shiver, a grimace on your face. “Or you run and hide,” he finishes. Lily clears her throat, her voice is nervous. “That last option sounds good.” You groan and look around. “What if - hey! There’s someone over there. They need help!” Lily spins around. “Where?” The Sherpa looks in the direction of your eye line and shakes his head. “Too late for them.” Lily turns to him, mouth open. “How can you say that?!” He shrugs and turns back to his gear. “Frostbite has gotten him good. And he’s most likely run out of oxygen.” You frown. “Shouldn’t we at least //try// to help him?” “If you wish. But there’s no way we can save him without certainly condemning ourselves to death.” Lily shuffles closer to you. “So, what? It’s every man for him himself up here?” “And sometimes even that isn’t enough,” the Sherpa says. [[Later that night.]]

You stare into the fire, your thoughts consumed by the motives of Alex. “What’s on your mind?” Lily asks. You say… [[Why did Alex send us here? To a place where we can’t even help dying people?”]] [[“I feel sick because we didn’t try to help that man.”]] [[I’m just ready for all of this to be over.]]

You turn to her. “Why did Alex send us here? To a place where we can’t even help dying people?” Lily sighs. “People come here knowing the risks, $firstname. You heard the Sherpa. It’s every person for themselves.” You shake your head. “That’s not right!” “Come on, $firstname. We both know that life isn’t fair. Maybe Alex wanted to remind us that we couldn’t have done anything to save $phim. And that’s okay.” Your face crumples at her words. You didn’t sleep for weeks when $phe got sick. You quit your job and dug into research. Finding doctors. Treatments. But in the end, it didn’t matter. “I want to go home,” you whisper, your voice betraying the agony raging through your body. Lily scoots closer and wraps an arm around you. “It’s far too late for that. And you don’t want that. You’re just upset.” You pull away a little to look into her eyes. The same eyes Alex had. Ignoring the stabbing in your chest, you respond, “And what about tomorrow, or the next day, what if one of us becomes that dying man? Are we just going to abandon each other and save ourselves?” Lily frowns. “How can you say that? I would never abandon you.” “No more adventures after this,” you say as you stand up to stir the pot. Lily nods. “At least dinner is ready. I’m starving.” [[“Makes two of us.”]]

You clutch your stomach. “I feel sick because we didn’t try to help that man. Why did Alex send us here? To a place where we can’t even help dying people?” Lily sighs. “People come here knowing the risks, $firstname. You heard the Sherpa. It’s every person for theirself.” You shake your head. “That’s not right!” “Come on, $firstname. We both know that life isn’t fair. Maybe Alex wanted to remind us that we coudn’t have done anything to save $phim. And that’s okay.” You face crumples at her words. You didn’t sleep for weeks when $phe got sick. You quit your job and dug into research. Finding doctors. Treatments. But in the end, it didn’t matter. “I want to go home,” you whisper, your voice betraying the agony raging through your body. Lily scoots closer and wrap an arm around you. “It’s far too late for that. And you don’t really want that. You’re just upset.” You pull away a little to look into her eyes. The same eyes Alex had. Ignoring the stabbing in your chest, you respond, “And what about tomorrow, if one of us becomes that dying man. Are we just going to abandon each other and save our selves?” Lily frowns. “How can you say that? I would never abandon you.” “No more adventures after this,” you say as you stand up to stir the pot. Lily nods. “At least dinner is ready. I’m starving.” [[“Makes two of us.”]]

You chuck an empty bottle at the fire. “I’m ready for all of this to be over. Why did Alex send us here? To a place where we can’t even help dying people?” You grit your teeth in annoyance. Lily sighs. “People come here knowing the risks, $firstname. You heard the Sherpa. It’s every person for theirself.” You shake your head. “That’s not right!” “Come on, $firstname. We both know that life isn’t fair. Maybe Alex wanted to remind us that we coudn’t have done anything to save $phim. And that’s okay.” You face crumples at her words. You didn’t sleep for weeks when $phe got sick. You quit your job and dug into research. Finding doctors. Treatments. But in the end, it didn’t matter. “I want to go home,” you whisper, your voice betraying the agony raging through your body. Lily scoots closer and wrap an arm around you. “It’s far too late for that. And you don’t really want that. You’re just upset.” You pull away a little to look into her eyes. The same eyes Alex had. Ignoring the stabbing in your chest, you respond, “And what about tomorrow, if one of us becomes that dying man. Are we just going to abandon each other and save our selves?” Lily frowns. “How can you say that? I would never abandon you.” “No more adventures after this,” you say as you stand up to stir the pot. Lily nods. “At least dinner is ready. I’m starving.” [[“Makes two of us.”]]

A few days later, you’re caught in a storm. Ice falls and the wind whips it into trees and rocks. “The weather’s getting out of control!” Lily shouts. “Duck!” You push her head down. A large block of ice hits the tree behind your group, almost snapping the tree. “We need to find shelter. Fast,” Lily says, fear dripping from her voice. The Sherpa jumps up. “Follow me. I know a small building. It should protect us from the incoming storm.” You give him an incredulous look. “Incoming? You mean it gets worse?” Your voice is twinging on the edge of panic now. “Worse than //this//?” “Yes, it gets much worse. If we don’t get to shelter soon, we have no chance of survival.” Lily pushes you toward the Sherpa. “We’ve got a promise to keep, so lead the way!” The wind picks up. You can hear tree branches snapping around you and all of your footsteps crunch as you quickly hold onto each other in a line. You try not to think about getting blown away. “Careful!” the Sherpa says. “One wrong step is all it takes. There! There’s the building.” The crunching under your feet increases and the door slams as you all pile inside the shelter. You clear your throat and turn to the Sherpa. “Come here often?” He rolls his eyes. You’ve been with him for a while now and he never smiles. You wonder why he does this shit. But you don’t think he’d tell you the real reason. “This is one of the safe buildings on the mountain that most don’t know about.” Lily’s stomach interrupts. “Got any food?” You turn to her, “Really?!” “That took a lot of energy!” You laugh and shake your head. And you narrow your eyes as you see the Sherpa’s lips twitch. Huh. Maybe he can smile. He walks away and you hear some shuffling before he comes back. “Here are some snacks.” Lily takes them gratefully. “Thank you.” She starts munching on the food. The Sherpa sighs as he sits down. “I was hoping my reserve oxygen tank was here. But it looks like someone’s been here recently and took it.” You furrow your eyebrows as your eyes scan him. “Are you low on oxygen?” He shakes his head. “No, but it’s good to have a backup. You never know when you’ll need it. Especially in unpredictable conditions like these.” “Well,” Lily says as she sits down. “Guess we should get comfortable.” Yeah,” the Sherpa agrees. “We’ll be here for a while, maybe two days.” [[Two Weeks Later - Mount Everest “Death Zone”]]

Your breathing is ragged but it gets lost in the wind. Lily puts her hands on her hips as she comes to a stop. “Well, it only took two weeks to reach the Death Zone.” You’re about to respond but it’s interrupted by what your eyes land on. “Is that a dead body?” A shiver runs down your spine. The Sherpa squints his eyes. “Yes. Green Boots. He was trapped in a Blizzard in ‘96 and died from exposure.” Lily swallows and turns to him. “How many dead bodies are up here?” “Hundreds.” You dig your nails into your palm, trying to figure out if this is still reality. “Great, dead bodies aren’t creepy at all.” Then your eyes land on something else. Fuck. “Another ladder. What’s that, the fourth today?” You all laugh. A half-crazed, exhausted laugh. The Sherpa has started to lighten up. You wonder if constantly being close to death helps form bonds. It certainly helped your bond with Alex. A sad smile finds its way to your face. You take a deep breath. You’re so close to fulfilling $phis wish. “We’re going to die if you keep telling jokes,” the Sherpa says. “You’re wasting oxygen.” “Well, if I’m going to die, it better be from laughing and not freezing to death.” Lily giggles. “If you die, I’m stealing your shoes.” You chuckle. “They’re too small for you.” The Sherpa clears his throat. “Let’s make camp here. We will ascend to the top tomorrow.” “Really?” you ask “About time!” Lily adds. “It only gets more dangerous from here. Don’t let your guard down,” he tells you sternly before saying goodnight. [[Meanwhile...]]

Later that night, you and Lily are settled by the fire, chewing on the rest of your snacks. Lily turns to you. “What do you think he meant about it getting more dangerous?” You shrug. “I don’t know. But they don’t call it the Death Zone for no reason. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.” Lily nods and then pokes the fire. “I can’t believe we made it this far. Alex would be happy.” You respond… [[“We’re not at the top yet.”]] [[“I wish we hadn’t waited three years to do this.”]] [[“I’m proud of you, Lily".]]

You chuckle softly. “We’re not at the top yet.” “Yes, I’m aware.” You smile at her annoyance. “You’re right though. $pHe would be happy. Alex would be so proud if he could see you now.” She smiles back at you. “He’d be proud of you, too.” “Come on, we need to rest for tomorrow.” [[You poke the fire out and head to your bedroll.]]

“I wish we hadn’t waited three years to do this.” She scoffs. “I can’t believe we didn’t wait long. I thought I was prepared for this, but dead bodies and slippery ladders with bottomless pits? I don’t think I realized what I was signing up for.” “I’m not sure anyone is ever prepared for this sort of experience.” She sighs. “Well, I won’t be leaving the house for another three years after this.” You roll your eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it. Come on, we need to rest for tomorrow.” [[You poke the fire out and head to your bedroll.]]

“I’m proud of you, Lily. Alex would be, too.” She gives you a soft smile. “Alex would be proud of //both// of us.” “I wish we hadn’t waited three years to do this. But I’m glad we’re getting it over with.” She scoffs. “I can’t believe we didn’t wait longer. I thought I was prepared for this, but dead bodies and slipperly ladders with bottomless pits? I don’t think I realized what I was signing up for.” “I’m not sure anyone is ever prepared for this sort of experience.” She sighs. “Well, I won’t be leaving the house for another three years after this.” You roll your eyes. “I’ll beleive it when I see it. Come on, we need to rest for tomorrow.” [[You poke the fire out and head to your bedroll.]]

Your ice axe hits the wall of snow, white falling around you. “We’re almost there,” the Sherpa tells you. You cough and take a deep breath. “Good, I’m starting to feel nauseous.” Lily sighs gleefully. “I can’t wait to get home and eat some pizza.” Your chuckle softly. “//That’s// what you’re thinking about right now?” “It’s been weeks since we’ve had good food. And good sleep. And a shower! So, yes, $firstname.” You and the Sherpa both laugh at her response. “You’ve done well so far for first-time climbers. Most would have died already,” he tells you. It’s a compliment so why does it make your heart speed up? “Already? You think we might still die.” You look up, where’s he’s climbing above you. He looks down and meets your eyes. “Any of us could. We’re not safe until we’re off this mountain. The trek down…is much more difficult than the trek up.” Lily groans. “Can’t we just get a helicopter from the top?” The Sherpa roars in laughter. Some ice and snow fall off the nearby walls. “If you have a million dollars and a phone signal, sure.” [[The climb continues.]]

And then you reach the top. All of you take a moment to calm your breathing. “We made it,” Lily says, disbelief in her voice. You look out at the view, knots twisting in your stomach. So this is what Alex wanted for you. Peace. “It’s stunning,” you say in awe. You take a forward and slip. “$firstname! Are you okay?” You steady yourself on Lily. “Yeah. I just - I just lost my balance. I need to sit down for a minute. That was one hell of a climb.” The Sherpa nods. “Let me know when you’re ready to descend. The sooner…the better chance of survival.” “Okay, there’s just one thing we need to do first. $firstname?” You look over to Lily, who’s rummaging in her backpack. “I’m ready.” “What’s that?” the Sherpa asks. Lily holds it out for him to see. “Alex’s ashes.” You take it from her hand. “$pHe wanted us to sprinkle them from the top.” You both sprinkle half of the ashes. It’s silent for a moment, save for the wind. Then Lily says, “Let’s go. Let’s head home!” [[Your ice axe digs into the snow.]]

But your feet lose their grip and you slip. A blood-curdling scream falls from your lips and then your back hits hard ice. “$firstname! $firstname, can you hear me?” You can hear her but your lips won’t move and your eyes struggle to stay open. “$firstname, can you hear us? Lily, climb slowly, or you’ll meet the same fate.” “Yeah, okay. $firstname, I’m coming. Just hold on, I’m coming. You don’t how long you lay there but it feels like an eternity. You try to flex your fingers and try to move your lips, but nothing works. Why isn’t it working? You can hear two sets of footsteps approach. And then warmth on your hand. At least, you think it’s your hand. “I’m here, $firstname. You’re not alone,” Lily’s voice wavers. After a minute, you find your voice again. “Li-ly…I’m so cold,” you whisper. “Shh. It’s going to be okay,” she assures you. She moves so you can see her face. Her tear-streaked cheeks are red. You swallow, knowing what this means. After all these weeks. “At least we made it to the top. Now I get to see Alex.” Your body doesn’t hurt as much as it should. You wonder why that is. The cold? Or maybe something else. But you feel content. You did what needed to be done. And now you’ll know the peace $phe wanted for you. “No!” Lily screams. “You’re going to be okay. We’ll get you out of here. Right, Sherpa?” Silence. You count the seconds. Forty-five. And then he says, “If $firstname can’t stand on $hisher own, then we must leave $himher. $HeShe is running out of oxygen. That’s why $heshe fell.” Lily pulls away from you. “No. Absolutely not. I’ll give $himher mine.” You can hear her shuffling. “S-stop, Lily. One of us must make it back home. And you’re parents can’t lose you, too.” She drops back down by your side, letting the tears flow freely now as she takes your hand. “I can’t leave you. We’re supposed to stick together. Remember? I’m not abandoning you.” You take a ragged breath, not sure how many you have left but the dizziness is fighting against you. “We-we di-did it.” You squeeze her hand. “Let me go, Lily. Let me go to Alex, now. Please, Lily,” your desperate voice causes her to sob and she gently hugs you. “If we want to live, we need to go, Lily,” the Sherpa says. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “Fuck, $firstname. Fuck! I’m so sorry.” “D-don’t be. I’m right where I’m m-meant to be. I l-love y-you.” Your teeth are chattering and your eyes are starting to flutter. She places a kiss on your forehead. “I love you, too, $firstname,” her distant voice says. You hear their footsteps growing distant. But you’re not sad or remorseful. You completed $phis final wish. Now you can let go. Of this sadness. [[And of this life.]]

Thank you for playing Lily and MC’s journey. I hope you enjoyed it! <a href="https://nextinline-if.tumblr.com" target="_blank">Tumblr</a> <a href="https://writingmysoul.itch.io" target="_blank">Itch.io</a> <a href="https://ko-fi.com/nextinlineif" target="_blank">Ko-fi </a> Discord: writingmysoul#6083